Birds at Large: Geico Commercial

You think I like this?  You think I want to do this?  Do you think I sit here just waiting for some dumb ad agency to dumbly cram a bunch of random birds into a commercial so I can gallop up on my highest of high horses?

No, I don't.  I have a life, you guys.  I have friends, and a girlfriend, and a dog to walk.  There's baseball on TV.  No, I have to do this.  It's sorta like a superhero.  No, it's exactly like a superhero.  With great power comes great responsibility, right?  I have the power of proper bird identification, and now it's my responsibility to make sure that birds appearing in popular culture do so accurately. It's just what I have to do.  So here it is.

GEICO made a dumb commercial about Taz from Looney Tunes drinking an energy drink and then  spinning around Taz-style and busting up an adjacent commercial shoot for commemorative plates depicting "state birds."  As far as GEICO commercials go, it's not the best.  Being honest, GEICO has a great track record for funny commercials.  Those caveman commercials are masterpieces, I'm not even gonna front.  Compared to the heaps and heaps of garbage that make up television commercials, GIECO stands above.

That said, this Taz ad sucks.  First, Taz doesn't need an energy drink to do the whirlwind thing, he always does that.  Taz should be even MORE bonkers after an energy drink, maybe like, uh, destroying a Midwestern city like a Twister-style tornado.  I don't know.

Secondly, and more importantly for this audience, are the goddamn bird plates.  The voiceover says these are plates that commemorate the 50 states birds in the U.S.  Let's see what we've got.

Let's go from left to right.

• Black-capped Chickadees.  These are the state birds of both Maine and Massachusetts.  Hey, these could really be plates commemorating the state birds of all fifty states!
• Wood Ducks.  Oh, nevermind. Wood Ducks are the state birds of 0 states.  These are not plates commemorating the state birds of all fifty states.
• Northern Cardinal.  Yeah OK.
• Bald Eagle.  Not a state bird, you idiots.
• Tundra Swan.  See above.
• Northern Cardinal.  You got lucky.
• Tufted Titmice.  Ok I think we've done enough here.

Whelp that's all! Thanks everyone! Tip your waitresses.