I've written a lot about renaming birds. I've tried to give some birds their dignity back by changing their embarrassing comparative names. I've suggested some new people to name birds after. I've probably done other things I can't remember. Now, I'm doing something else.
We know there are a lot of birds with names that are...less than optimal. The Red-bellied Woodpecker barely has a red belly. The least evident part of the Orange-crowned Warbler is its crown. House Wren is just a flat-out boring name.
But how do you pick new names? Is Boring Greenish Warbler really any better than Orange-crowned? Who the hell do I think I am?
Maybe I'll let the current names do the work for me. Here are a bunch of new names for badly named birds (and then birds with good names just because they're fun). Thanks to the Internet Anagram Server for the heavy lifting. Enjoy.
- Red-bellied Woodpecker -- Credible Deplored Woke (topical!)
- Ring-necked Duck = Crick-kneed Dung (improvement?)
- Western Tanager = A Stranger Tween (prequel to the Netflix show)
- Hooded Warbler = Roadbed Howler (great blues musician name)
- Rock Ptarmigan = Croaking Tramp (lol)
- Whooping Crane = Powering Nacho (new Taco Bell menu item)
- Elf Owl = Fellow (aw)
- House Wren = Nowhere Us (Radiohead track)
- Dickcissel = Dick Slices (can't stop giggling)
- Spotted Towhee = Tweeted Photos (brand integration!)
- Orchard Oriole = Hairdo Recolor (hey that's a thing, right?)
- Phainopepla = Papa Pinhole (I think this was a ska band I listened to in the 90s)
- American Robin = Macaroni Brine (gross) and Airborne Manic (fits)
- Tree Swallow = Wallet Worse (I know how you feel)
- Oak Titmouse = A Muskie Toot (haha yeah that's the good stuff)
- Purple Martin = Praline Trump (topical...?) and Terrapin Lump (the UMD bench)
- Boreal Owl = Oral Below ( :-| )
- Rock Pigeon = Precooking (not funny but a single word) and Cooing Perk (accurate!)
- Sandwich Tern = Wind Snatcher (accurate...?)
- Red Knot = Dork Net (aka bird twitter)
- Osprey = Roe Spy (I mean, they're after fish)
- Least Bittern = Titan Trembles (great sci-fi novel)
- Reddish Egret = Dished Regret (badass)
- Snail Kite = Saintlike (yes)
- Spruce Grouse = Pug Resources (one-stop dog shop)
- Piping Plover = Propping Evil (diabolical!)
- Marbled Godwit = Girdled Wombat (a great bar in Melbourne)
- Lesser Nighthawk = Lengthwise Shark (science)
- Horned Grebe = Boner Hedger (haha out with a bang)